adoption update and what the Lord is teaching me through it....

There are still two empty chairs at our dining room table. They never felt empty until recently.  But the Lord is doing a lot in my heart in the "in between time".  

Early december after news of riots and violence in Kinshasa after the election, adoption time tables were all extended.  Time until referral (getting the match with our child) and time after referral until travel.  I found myself just crying and crying about it.  You see, I am a planner at heart.  I set my mind on a date and I have everything planned to a T about it.  I was hoping our kids would come home August-Nov 2012... and now my time table is gone.  It hurts to surrender.  I was crying one night about it and felt God say, "do you actually even trust me?" Over the next week and a half I started to let go.  I started to not just say I surrendered my plans and time tables to him, but to actually do it.  

Because, after all, isn't he the one who originally wanted to write it into our story?

But what I realized, is that after I said yes in obedience, he gave me so much joy as I walked towards his call on our life, but I still clung to obey within what is convenient or comfortable for me. How patient I thought I could be. How long I could actually wait.  When it would fit into our lives/schedules the best.  

This is not how obedience works.  

So as of about 5 days ago, I had a break through moment of surrender with God. I said to him (and actually meant it in my heart too) that I will surrender my plans to him with this adoption.

Whether we get our referral before summer, whether we travel before Christmas, or whether we get our referral in 2013 and travel in 2 years.  He is the one writing the story.  He knows best when these two treasures are supposed to come home. He has them picked out just for us. He knows when he will reveal it to me.  Do I really want it in my time table? No, and although it physically hurts me some days to wait. I will wait on the Lord. Because he is the one holding me together, he knows me best, he knows the next chapter of our story. 

I will have to continually re-submit to him as we walk through this journey that is far too long in my heart. 

But I know who holds the future and I know who will write it just how it is supposed to be. 

Then on Wednesday, (two days post breakthrough) I got an email from our caseworker saying.....

Things are moving again and we have 5 more kids home as of last week.  Referrals should be coming in a few weeks as soon as paperwork is completed. I believe time lines may pick up as well. 

What a little blessing right after the pain of surrendering that. But even still. Even to hear those words, I found God didn't allow those to take root in my heart in a way that they would have a few weeks before. I am not clinging to my calendar or my inbox. Our referral may come in a few weeks, or it may come in several several months. I am just taking that email as a sweet reminder of what God does when I decide to give up my pen and let him write.